Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
