He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
