Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again

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(443): View more from Maryland

a queef is a wish your heart makes.

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(206): View more from Washington

i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.

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(440): View more from Ohio

One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm

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(562): View more from California

So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.

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(323): View more from California

Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.

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(850): View more from Florida

When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.

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