I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
