I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
