dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
