All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
