she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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