Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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