and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
