someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
