I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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