You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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