There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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