i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
zippers are such a cool invention
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize