how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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