She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
