If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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