I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
