She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
