remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
