In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
