a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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