If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
