If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
