You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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