i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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