Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
