I showed him my bush... on skype.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
