Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
