Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
