Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
