I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
