so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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