omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
