They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
