we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
