WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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