turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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