i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
