i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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