You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
