You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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