she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
