You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
