remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
