I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
