i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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