it hurts more in the daytime
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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