I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
