i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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