What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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