the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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