If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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