I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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