He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm at about main and main street
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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