The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
