I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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