Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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