I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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