i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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