my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
