When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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