In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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