You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
