I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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