I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize