Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
