oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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