im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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