At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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