The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Still dying that you shit outside
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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