i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize