I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
