Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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