Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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