i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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