if you like me you must not know who I am
oh god the rape fog is back!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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